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Self-study behavioral patterns

This text is part of the self-examination behavioral patterns: this text is translated from Dutch (the original) into English by Priscilla F. Harmanus

Hurt child-mode

416 words ~ reading time 3 minutes

In the hurt child mode you feel like a small child that needs help and care. Six themes can then occur.

Abandonment / instability.
The feeling that you are being abandoned or will be abandoned soon; that you cannot rely on the people around you. Even in the company of acquaintances you feel lonely and alone.

If this theme plays a role, you may have really been abandoned in the past, for example because one of your parents disappeared from view because of a divorce or the death of an important person.

Social isolation / alienation

The feeling of never completely belonging. That feeling is evoked, for example, when friends start doing something without you.

If this theme plays a role, you may have been a real odd man out in the old days, for example, because you moved as a child often ended up in an environment where you didn't know anyone, or because your parents were different from the rest of the village.

Distrust / feeling abused

The feeling that others will end up hurting, cheating or abusing you. You are already suspicious and on your guard in advance.

If this theme plays a role, you have probably been bullied, abused or abused often in the past.

Inferiority / shame

The feeling of falling short; to be failed, bad, inferior or unwanted, the feeling others will never find you worth loving once they see who you really are. You feel insecure in company of others, or your ashamed of your appearance of social clumsiness. This mode is triggered by (imminent) criticism, rejection, or blame.

If this theme plays a role, you may have been criticized, rejected or humiliated in the past.

Emotional neglect

The feeling not being worthwhile for others. If someones shows up giving about you, it does not really matter emotionally.

If this theme plays a role, you probably have no idea that something serious was going on the in the past. But you not really have felt safe, cherished or both either. For example, because your parents were far too busy to deal with you.


The feeling of being unable or daring to do anything on your own. Your often place responsibilities and choices with others, such as your parents or your partner. You do not know what you want, or what you think is nice or beautiful or good.

If this theme plays a role, in the past you were probably not sufficiently stimulated to stand on your own two feet, to make your own choices that might go against what your parents wanted.

Gekwetste-kindmodus from Psychologie Magazine (Retrieved from the original)

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